I find myself questioning my faith this morning. I don't understand all the pain and suffering people go through in this life. What is the point or is there even a point at all??
I have really reflected back on my life trying to find what I have done so terrible to be burdened now with RA. I wasn't any more rebellious than most teenagers. I've always had a good heart and have felt overwhelming guilt knowing I have hurt someone's feelings, whether it be intentional or not. I just don't understand why this has happened to me and to so many others ... what is the point of it all??
My son's sister gave birth to and lost her baby girl yesterday ... why? Why should she be heartbroken right now instead of bringing home her daughter?? I don't understand why this has happened to her!! She was due any day now and was happy, excited and ready to welcome her new child. Instead she now has to plan a memorial service only to return home to see an empty nursery that will now never be filled. What is the point of all this??
Everyone tells me God has a plan for me. I want to believe that by blogging, having an online support group and support page that maybe I'm making a difference, not only for myself but, for others who suffer as I do. Is this God's plan for me? To keep up the good fight and spread awareness, support and understanding? Maybe ... maybe I'm yet to discover why I have been stricken, in the prime of my life, with such a debilitating disease. Right now though I don't see the point to all of this.
I'm just having a really hard time wrapping my mind around all the tragedies, cruelties and suffering that goes on in this world. The Christians hate the Muslims and visa versa ... yet both religions teach Love and Compassion for your Brethren. Why are most wars fought due to religious conflict? I keep hearing words of hate and ignorance from all sides all in the name of God/Allah ... what is the point to all of this?? Is this really God's plan, all this strife and fighting, pain and suffering, cruelty and carelessness?
I know I am not the only one who is or has questioned my Faith. During times of extreme pain I pray, believe me, I pray. During times of joy and happiness, I again pray and am thankful. During times of strife I pray. During times that are peaceful I again pray. I try to live my life accordingly and know that I am not perfect. I try not to be judgmental of others and see every side of a subject or opinion. What am I doing wrong?
Whatever your beliefs may be ... do you see any point to all of this? Do you find yourself questioning your Faith? Do find yourself asking "Why me?" or "Why" in general?? Right now I am and am struggling with what is the reason? What is the Point?
